Life after infertility
I will not go back there.
I will not go back there.
I will not go back there.
Period arrives on Valentine’s Day.
[ The Waiting Game ]
The Book
The Book
Trying to Conceive
by Fiona McPhillips, featuring a foreword by Dr John Waterstone and published by Liberties Press, is available countrywide now. It is an easy-to-read guide for all those trying to conceive, providing both medical information and a personal perspective on the entire range of fertility issues. It is also available from Liberties Press and Amazon.
The Author
The Author
Fiona McPhillips is a freelance journalist and academic researcher. Having given birth to her son in 2003, she then faced three rounds of Clomid, three IUIs, two IVFs and suffered six miscarriages before giving birth to her daughter in 2008. She went on to have another son in 2009.
fiona at makingbabies dot ie
February 16th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Infertility is a haunting monster. I don’t know if it will ever leave me either. Perhaps after I manage to have a baby, if that day ever comes.
I understand how hard it is not to let it obsess you.
February 16th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
Claudia, my heart goes out to you but you are not alone. We have been trying for 3.5yrs. Last yr was put on clomid and conceived month 4. I miscarried after 9 weeks. Gynae sent me for lap & dye last week and told me I had moderate to advanced endometriosis. Had no symptoms. Only option now is IVF. Feel like my world is falling apart.
February 18th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Claudia and Dee – I am so sorry you are going through this, there are no words to explain how horrible it is. I hope you both get your babies very soon.
Life after infertility is wonderful but you are right Claudia, there is part of it that does still haunt me and that will probably be there until at least menopause, maybe it will always be there.
February 21st, 2009 at 9:52 pm
Haven’t logged on for a while, its much too painful to read of your joy over Anna to be frank. My DH tells me my 5 year yearning- i have a son the same age as james- for another has to end or he can’t go on living with me. He’s not being unreasonable either- i mean i cant go to the park or do playdates, or even drop my son at birthday parties anymore- why? well because i know i will see the fertiles there in 2 kid bubble land which lets face it, 90% of you inhabit. I cant have another child, ive had 2 failed ivfs now and i have blocked tubes so no chance of a ‘miracle’ baby. i have no hope and yet when i read of your joy, i know I am missing out, ‘friends’ and family tell me its fantasy that i would be happy if i had a baby, but i know its true when i read your archives and how miserable you were and now how overjoyed you are. you are so lucky but you do know it. someone asked me what have i learned from being infertile – well, i guess ive learned that there is a dark dark side to life that nobody wants to talk to you about, and that you have to face it alone and thats what i do- day after day night after night, engaging with life less and less….
February 25th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
stillnobaby – I’m so, so sorry to read this. It’s so horrible when people try to suggest that the problem is not infertility, it’s the way you deal with it. Almost all infertiles suffer from depression and the only cure is a baby. I remember how hard it was to leave the house, never mind go to a playground or try to engage with people at a birthday party. And not to even have the monthly hope – it must be near impossible to deal with. I hope there is some solution for you, it is just so unfair and so heartbreaking to read your post.
March 2nd, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I’m sorry to read all your stories. I never realised how much this can take over your life. You spend so many years avoiding unplanned pregnancy only to find that nothings happening when you want it to and time is ticking on. I’m in my mid 30’s and really startin to wonder if it will happen for me. I know it’s only 18 months but it feels like forever. Am going to see a Dr. Rabi? in OLOLH in a couple of weeks for initial consultation. Only that I know another doc personally who made the referral I think I’d be waiting forever for my GP to do same. Has anyone had experience with this Doc?
March 13th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Oh ladies, i’m so very sorry to read your stories. And while many of us know the journey of ivf etc, when you’re starting out it’s horrendously difficult and can feel like there’s no end to the pain. But if you do go that route, there are fantastic clinics and information and I promise once you’re in it it’s not as scary as it appeared. For those who aren’t and are hoping to conceive naturally I feel your pain too, it’s a very difficult thing to want your own child so badly you hurt every time you see a pregnant woman.
Fiona, I wrote to you last year after i miscarried. I honestly thought that at that stage after 3yrs of iui and ivf and failure and then miscarriage that it could get no worse. It did. On Oct 5th (my and my twin sister’s birthday) we lost our lovely, lovely mum, totally unexpectedly, she was just 68. When I tell you I thought I’d cried for the world when I lost my baby, I must have cried for the planet for my mum. Then, in Feb we had a 7th fertility treatment, our 4th ivf. Less than 2 days after egg collection I was rushed in the middle of the night to hospital, first the Coombe, then St James’. Turns out I have massive ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome. It nearly cost me my life, but with huge thanks to those doctors they caught it and me in time. I had 5hrs of emergency surgery and 4 blood transfusions.
I am so grateful and nothing will take from that. However, I only had one ovary anyway and now because it was so badly twisted it’s not all there now (’bit like myself!). I can never have children now of our own, ‘ironic thing is, the fertility issue was with my husband.
I dont know where to start with the grieving I’m so all over the place, ‘keep trying to switch it off because i’m recovering physically particuarly after i picked up a form of mrsa in hospital and spent a further week in there 3 days after i’d initially come home. But my heart, our hearts, are broken, shattered. I thought that this would be it, because surely things couldn’t keep going wrong. But it would appear, the universe isn’t quite ready to let me move on from infertility pain just yet. I am so sad, ‘am grieving the loss of my baby, my mother and my dreams. We’ve tried so hard and I dont really get this lesson yet. I do know that empty arms are the heaviest things in the world along with a grieving heart.
I’m sorry for rambling, ‘really needed to get this out.
with love,
jeanette.
March 15th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
ttc18months – 18 months is a long time to be getting your hopes up every month. Sometimes that can be the hardest stage of all as it feels like it will never end. I don’t know that doctor but very best of luck with your appointment.
Jeanette – I can’t make any sense of what you’ve been through. There is no lesson to be learnt, except the one that bad things happen to good people. I am so, so sorry that you have lost your baby, your mum and your hopes and dreams. Any one of those things would be unbearable. I hope you are recovering physically. I don’t know where you will begin to start recovering emotionally. I hope you both find some way to ease the pain and find some peace in whatever you decide to do.
April 3rd, 2009 at 5:14 pm
The negative results are the only ones I got, I envy all the woman that experienced it the other way. I am done, I am broke and hurt and sad and finding it beyond imagine to put away the dream of having a baby but I have no choice. I have no more money which means no more treatment which means no more hope of a baby. I guess it also means no more negative results, but it also means the rest of my life without a child.
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
stillnobaby!!! please count your blessings and be very happy for your son. I know I would. I have no children and no chance to ever have one. I had many rounds of IVF with no success.
I can’t even tell you how happy I would be to have a son like you do. I wish you good luck and please try to be more positive and happy for what you have not unhappy for what you do not have.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Kathleen and Judy, my heart goes out to you. I hope you find a way to ease your pain but mostly I hope your dreams come true one day.
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