Fiona McPhillips is a freelance journalist and academic researcher. Having given birth to her son in 2003, she then faced three rounds of Clomid, three IUIs, two IVFs and suffered six miscarriages before giving birth to her daughter in 2008. She went on to have another son in 2009.
I am finally expecting
I am having a very easy pregnancy. Memories of my ten weeks of nausea and vomiting hell are fading fast. I have no pelvic or back pain, no tiredness or irritability, no memory loss worth mentioning. My little daughter, A, reassures me that all is well every time I ask her. I am happy. The agony of the last three years has been for something.
What I mean is, I hope it has been for something. I have been given the luxury of hope, I have even been handed the gift of expectation. I hope and expect to hug and kiss A in a few short months. I can hardly believe it. But already I can feel the softness of her skin, I can touch her tiny little baby hands, I can smell her hair, I can feel the letdown as she feeds. We are all expecting. DS is already reorganising his life to fit her in, he never forgets about her. Every piece of his future contains a space for her.
If we lost her, I would die. I am sure of it.
Update: No, this is not a suicide wish. “Die” is meant in a figurative sense, “die inside” if you will. Like before only much, much worse.
January 15th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Beautiful post F..
Gill xx
January 15th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
You deserve for this to work. You are expecting and I am so excited for you!
January 16th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Such a special time. Concentrate on your little girl growing and getting ready to join your family on the outside.
Ex
January 16th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
im totally shocked. what about your lovely little son? your supportive husband? how would they be without you? thoughts of killing yourself if you lost this little one? i trust you are in your emotional moment and do not truly mean it.
January 16th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Fee is stronger than that. she doesnt mean she will kill herself. she just means she will be devestated. shes been through so much, give her a break.
January 17th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Feebee, no doubt you need worry about losing this little one, she is yours and yours to keep. You will indeed get to do all the things you mentioned except it will be more spectacular than you ever imagined.
It has taken her three long painful years to get to you……but she has finally made her way. As I have said before the child will come to us, not us come to them.
Peace,
Denise
January 17th, 2008 at 12:12 am
I meant to say Need “NOT” worry.
January 17th, 2008 at 10:49 am
feebee,
i cannot wait to see her pic here….
a little girl…. lucky you!
no point saying don’t worry all us mums do that but please god all will be well….
have you started the list of names yet?
January 17th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Thanks Denise – how are you getting on?
Amber – names have been chosen for over 3 years. We’ve been trying it out all week and it works so she has been named already.
January 17th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Hey Feebee,
I am doing okay, thanks for asking. I am heading home for my nieces wedding in Feb.(in Kerry)so I am taking a mental break until I come back or at least trying to. I plan on seeing a new RE at Ohio State University. I have a feeling my answers will be the same as always..age, age and bad luck…keep trying. My body is tired of all the pregnancies as I go through three months every time and then three months to get my cycle back on track times that by 5 and I have lost 2 1/2 years, I turn 39 this year.
January 17th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
So pleased that you finally are feeling pregnant, you deserve this baby soooo much. And i know wht you meant, it is devestating to lose a child (i know)but Feebee, this will not happen, you are going to be a wonderful Mummy to a gorgeous little girl
January 19th, 2008 at 9:57 am
I’ll bet she’ll be a beauty too
Always thinking of you
XXX
January 21st, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Beautiful post Feebee. I can’t wait until you all get to hold her in your arms. I doubt there will be a dry eye in the house.
denzo