Two is a magic number

We had a bit of excitement yesterday, my due date.  My acupuncturist reckoned I would have a baby by the end of the night so when I started having pains around 8pm, we got very excited and emotional.  I was also scared – not of labour and birth, that was actually the exciting part.  I thought about it and realised I was scared of never being pregnant again.  Of having to watch everyone else go through pregnancy as many times as they wished.  But most of all, of never getting to experience this amazing feeling ever again.

I have talked myself round to how great it will be to have two children.  It’s not what we planned but it is more than we ever imagined just a year ago.  Two means we can give each one more attention, more financial support, we can give each other more time and devotion and our careers will take less of a hit.  It also means that I will never again have to put my family through infertility.

I don’t want to spend the first few years of my baby’s life fighting another losing battle.  I’m not sure I even want to sideline her to pregnancy.  And yet, the decision never to try again is so immense, I can’t contemplate it.  I don’t even know what it’s like to have a menstrual cycle that doesn’t dictate day-to-day life.  But it may well be out of our hands, we will just have to wait and see.

Many rivers to cross first.

17 Replies to “Two is a magic number”

  1. So much there I can’t even comprehend, I never really even thought of the impact TTC would have on the little brothers & sisters.

    Now when I look at the impact it has on just the two of us, I feel silly(best word I can think of) for allowing it to take over so much, put other children into the mix, and I have no way to get my mind around it.

    Immense decisions indeed.

    As always, the best of luck in the coming hours/days.

  2. As always, you write so beautifully about something so painful. The decision to never try again might be to big at the moment, but maybe in the weeks/ months/ years to come it will feel like the right choice rather than something forced upon you? I’ve ordered your book (no signed copies left!), can’t wait to have a read of it. Wishing you ALL the very best for the next few exciting days.

  3. Thanks so much everyone.

    Treelo – long time, no see. How have you been keeping? Can’t believe they’ve sold all the signed copies, didn’t think many people would be interested!

  4. Okay Baby “A”, get a move on! I’m getting tired of checking in. Are ye hangin’ in there Fiona?

  5. Sorry, still here!!! Cervix is 2-3cm open and I have had a bit of a show but no pains at all yet.

  6. Woo-hoo, come on baby A!! Hope the show means things will start to happen soon. Got the book in the post this morning, can’t wait to get stuck into it. Sorry I haven’t been around in a while, just busy. Can’t wait for your big announcement, it’s been a long time coming. Best of luck to you all!!

  7. Oh Fee how exciting, hope it all goes fantastically for you and the little bean.

    Hope big brother is all ready for the new arrival.

    Can’t wait to see the news, reckon you are nearly there.

  8. Holly – congratulations! what exicitng news! we struggled too with getting pregnant and had a hard time dealing with friends announcing their good news but in the end God and prayers were all we needed and now we have the cutest craziest little angel boy blessings to you!

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