Remembering and forgetting

Our second baby would have been two on Sunday. I didn’t remember until yesterday. I forgot our third baby’s first birthday, and our fourth and fifth babies’ miscarriage day, in March. I would have to work out the due dates and miscarriage dates of babies six, seven and eight – I have never committed them to memory.

It’s not that they don’t matter any more, now that I have a live baby inside me – I still visit the grave of baby number three and cry over what might have been, had any of them survived. It’s just that it is all part of the big pit of infertility and no more or less painful than any other failed cycle or treatment or kick in the guts.

Other people mark their baby’s short life by planting a tree or creating a memory box. Some people say that not a day goes by that they don’t think about their lost baby. I spend most of my time thinking about the baby inside me and looking forward to the life I wasn’t sure I’d ever have.

Contrary to what some people have said to me, it didn’t get easier each time. My hardest miscarriage, my blackest moment was last summer, miscarriage number six. When that baby died, after a promising start, I knew there was very little hope left. I didn’t really mourn the baby that I’d lost, just the one I thought I would never have. It was all part of the same ordeal.

Now I feel like a champion. I don’t feel like I have anything to mourn. I did it. I’m going to have a baby. I will always be an infertile – not a day goes by that I don’t think about infertility, how it has changed me, how so many others are still suffering and how it will be with me forever. But I am one of the lucky ones and right now that has more significance than anything else.

157 Responses to “Remembering and forgetting”

  1. So, like the training program for you half-marathon, this
    is going to be some rewarding work. By doing this,
    you will not be doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. All apps provide a very
    similar experience and include the necessary features any blackjack player will desire.

  2. Reparamos todas las marcas de portatiles, no importando cual sea tu problema, contamos también con servicios preventivos los cuales ayudaran a diagnosticar posibles fallas en tus equipos antes de que se presenten. Somos importadores y distribuidores de las mejores marcas de piezas repuestos de portatiles tales como: HP, Sony Vaio, Toshiba, Compaq, Samsung, Lenovo, Mac. Bienvenido a nuestra Zona Mac, contamos con técnicos especializados en la Reparación de ordenadores MAC, aquí encontraras todo lo referente a sus piezas repuestos tanto como sus accesorios y manuales reparación.

  3. Pues nada, ya podemos hacer el cableado eléctrico y colocar nuestros tubos para interconectar todo, yo para esto ultimo utilice un tubo de goma de 8x5mm de diámetro, comprado en una tienda de repuestos de electrodomésticos, creo que lo venden para lavadoras, lo coloqué con un par de bridas en cada extremo a fijar, para una presión de 4 bar es mas que suficiente, eso si, procurar que no estén las uniones engrasadas, pues si no se nos soltaría al primer intento.

  4. knikefqu says:

    2000年ふるさとプラザ閉館時に、せっかく全国の人と知り合ったのだからという思いと、周りからの応援をきっかけに独立。 既存ユーザーへの反映は、段階的に通知し、行うとしている。 [url=http://www.mediacom-21.net/60905/windows10_1/index.html]windows 10 無料[/url]
    レノン&マッカートニーにせまる天才的ソングライターのビルウィザースを意図的に消したということでしょうかね。 しかし、それを保存しようとすると、ファイルの種類が.docxではなく.mhtになってしまいます。
    [url=http://relayportagency.co.uk/60912/windows10_1/index.html]windows 10 値段[/url] TOWA<6315> 949 +53半導体製造装置関連には見直しの動き優勢に。 この業務を始めたころは、転記が多く、頻繁に転記間違いをしたり、コピーペーストを多用するので、マウス操作で手が痛くなることもありました。
    [url=http://www.mediacom-21.net/60905/windows10_1/index.html]windows10 販売[/url]
    今朝になってボクもいろいろ試してみたのですが、旨くいきません。 しかし、それにもかかわらずこの22年の間、この彼らはそれを一度も主張していません。 [url=http://www.hair-crea.com/60901/office2016_1/index.html]office2016[/url]
    これにより、iOSやAndroidを搭載したスマートフォンやタブレットだけではなく、Windows搭載パソコン、Macなどで「タブホ」が利用可能東ソー<4042>1日、17.3期1Qの連結営業利益が176億円(前年同期比14.5%増)だったと発表した。 それで、最新のofficeアプリケーションを入手するには、購読版のoffice365 soloは欠かせません。
    [url=http://www.hair-crea.com/60901/office2016_1/index.html]office 販売[/url] ポイ捨てをしないという規律をもっているからであろう)。 しかし、大抵は足に自身があるのか、こいつには負けていないという自負があるのか判りませんが、3位を申告する子が多かったです。
    [url=http://www.midorichiro-murakami.jp/60907/office2016_1/index.html]office2016 mac[/url]

  5. I do believe all the ideas you have introduced for your post. They are very convincing and will certainly work. Nonetheless, the posts are too quick for beginners. Could you please lengthen them a bit from subsequent time? Thanks for the post.

  6. Creola Muell says:

    Hello, you used to write magnificent, but the last several posts have been kinda boring… I miss your super writings. Past few posts are just a bit out of track! come on!

  7. Peculiar article, exactly what I was looking for.|

Leave a Reply