The Waiting Game

Thanks for all your support and advice girls, has cheered me up and helped me move on. Also, Halloween was a huge success and I didn’t even think about TTC all evening! It means I can look forward to Christmas without worrying that AF will arrive and spoil it.

I have spoken to my GP and a fertility care practitioner and it seems I do have a problem (my m/c could also be related to this). GP will do blood tests to check my progesterone and oestrogen levels a week after O, and will refer me to a specialist. If the bloods show a problem, it should be fairly easy to fix. Could be a few months before we get to see anyone, but we will keep trying in the meantime!

I’m trying to get my head around the fact that we could be in for the long haul, but am also pleased that there is something we can do about it. It’s the powerlessness of TTC that gets me down the most – this way we can take back some control, even if it takes longer than expected.

What a day – a BFP, AF and plenty of tears. Don’t have the time or energy to go into detail now, but just a couple of hours after a definite pink line, AF arrived. I’m gutted and concerned about the length of my luteal phase. Don’t know how I’m ever going to implant an egg if my body keeps deciding it’s time for AF at 7/8dpo. Will go and see doctor next week.

Looks like it might be all over again for this month. Had cramping in lower abdomen last night (stronger than before but not as strong as pre-AF cramps last month), so guessed it was either implantation or AF. I also had pain in the left side of my abdomen, similar to O pain, so was not giving up just yet. No other symptoms apart from unbelievable exhaustion by about 9.30pm.

Another BFN this morning. No symptoms (apart from feeling demented) and no CM, until I got into work and noticed sticky yellow/brown CM on my pants. When I wiped there was clear CM with blobs of brown – exactly like last month. Since then I have felt mild cramps and a sick feeling I usually get with AF (probably compounded by sick feeling about TTC in general). I haven’t given up all hope just yet, but maybe I should so I can get on with things. No need to say how devastated I feel right now.

I am also worried about my short LP. I never kept track of my cycle before TTC this time, but in the last 6 months I have noticed that my LP is never longer than about 10 days, and has been 7 days. However, I did get pregnant in August, so maybe it’s not a problem. Must spend several hours online now looking into it!

Of course I did. Of course it was BFN. Thought I saw a line that wasn’t an evaporation line (and believe me, I know the life cycle of the BFN saveontests/testsforless dipstick HPT a lot better than the back of my hand), but am well aware that if my mind is going to play tricks, now’s the best time to do it.

So, back to symptom analysing. Boobs a bit achy this morning, but not sore to the touch and not even achy any more. Slight AF cramping earlier but none now. Lots of flutters in lower abdomen last night and slight pinching this morning. A small amount of creamy CM. No nausea. Had a restless night thinking about the outcome of all of this, and DH didn’t sleep much worrying about his mother. Did have to get up to pee, but only as I was awake anyway. One symptom I had in August (pregnant cycle) that made me think I might be pregnant was a hunger ache, which I recognised from my first pregnancy. I first reported this at 5dpo (!) and it continued on and off until my m/c. Haven’t had this at all this time.

In August, I posted on Magic Mum at 7dpo that I had no symptoms but was absolutely convinced I was pregnant. I just had a feeling that it would be our month, even before the 2ww began. I’m still feeling positive this month, but lack that certainty. Only time will tell!

Absolutely no symptoms! Boob pain and nipple changes – gone, cramping – gone, nausea – gone. Still have creamy CM, so that’s something. Am feeling very emotional today but MIL is very ill so that could be it. Could also be PMT unfortunately, as AF arrived at 10dpo last month.

Perhaps because I’m feeling a little down today, I’m thinking that I won’t last the day without testing. I know this is a slippery slope, and that it only takes one HPT to open the testing floodgates. I have 50 of them at home and am telling myself “what’s the harm?”. Help! If I can even make it to 7dpo I will be doing better than last month.

I’ve had conflicting symptoms today – first the bad: About a week before AF arrives I usually get a feeling of weakness and lightheadedness for a few minutes. I reported this last month at 4dpo, and lo and behold AF arrived at 10dpo. Had it at lunchtime today, but it was much more severe than usual, lasted about half an hour and was accompanied by nausea and cold sweats. Still feel quite nauseous and fairly tired.

On the positive side, yesterday afternoon’s CM no-show was superceded by lots of creamy CM in the evening. Loads more today. Have had sore boobs on and off and a dull ache behind them. However, I have also had muscular pain in my upper back (no idea what’s causing it, no doubt it’s unrelated to my cycle), which may be contributing to the overall ache in my upper torso.

After dinner last night I felt pretty queasy, tried to ignore it but ended up legging it upstairs to vomit (probably a tummy bug). Felt pretty awful afterwards, came downstairs, but had to run again for a repeat perfomance. Stomach didn’t settle down for a good while afterwards, but when it did I had mild AF cramping in my lower abdomen. Have had this again today, but it’s hardly noticeable. Have also had flutters in my tummy for the past two days and have been burping quite a lot!

I have tried to be as objective as possible when describing symptoms, so am reluctant to report those that I’m not sure about. I’m not 100% about this but think it’s worth mentioning: I think my nipples are a bit bigger and darker than usual. DH usually tells me to stop getting myself worked up when I mention something like this, but did say this morning that they don’t look darker but they do look a bit bigger.

I haven’t had the urge to test at all, as I know there’s no point at the moment. Is this objective, common sense approach consistent with pregnancy? Or should my hormones be making me behave irrationally at this stage???

PS Have continued to feel really nauseous for the past few hours.

I’ve decided I’m going to enjoy this 2ww and hope for the best, as there’s nothing I can do to change the outcome at this stage. In fact, I’m going to relish every nipple twinge and stomach cramp. And if it doesn’t work out, then I am going to get well and truly pissed (that’s drunk for our American readers!).

I had mild AF cramps on and off yesterday. I don’t remember if I had these in August (pregnant cycle) but I definitely didn’t have them at this stage last month. None today though. My CM was still creamy yesterday, but thicker and sort of crumbly when dry. Hardly any today – same as last month but different to pregnant cycle when I had creamy CM throughout the 2ww. Boobs feel sort of heavy, but not sore to the touch. I’m not particularly tired or hungry and don’t need to pee more than usual. Oh, one more thing, a blinding headache came upon me suddenly last night and I couldn’t shake it so went to bed. Gone today.

AF arrived at 10dpo last month, so I could be less than a week away from finding out. Yikes!

Just a quick note to say that boobs are sore, still have slight O pains, have had creamy CM for the last 2 days and am tired and slightly nauseous (probably due to late night last night). Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

PS Also had bad stomach cramps twice today.

Woohoo, look at today’s title!!! I’m back on board, on the 2ww! Come on the creamy CM!

Still in the BD zone and plan to be until Sunday, just in case. We had our first TTC falling out last night. DH got home late and drunk so wasn’t willing or able. As it was O day, obviously that wasn’t an option. He did understand the urgency, but had “gone off sex today” and just wanted to go to sleep. To cut a long story short, we did do the deed but I wouldn’t exactly call it “lovemaking”.

I got another + OPK yesterday, as strong, if not stronger, than the previous day. O pains are gone today though, so I suppose I just had plenty of LH in my system.

The only symptoms I have today are slightly sore boobs (from O) and very high levels of excitement (for BFP). Am going to pamper myself this afternoon so that I’m looking absolutely gorgeous for testing in 2 weeks (ish).

There’s no question that I’m ovulating today, have had strong cramps since I woke up this morning (yay!). Hopefully this means that my egg is as determined as I am to get it right this month.

So, technically I could be pregnant already! Was thinking about this and wondering what it would be like if we could tell as soon as we conceived. Then realised that this could mean a 2 week wait for AF to arrive. Better to wait in hope than in despair – that’s my diagnosis.

I’m fairly excited about the 2ww now. I have had side-by-side a pregnant and a non-pregnant cycle, so have a good idea of which symptoms may be significant and which are not worth getting flustered about. Most importantly, I am not going to test until 8/9dpo, I am not going to test until 8/9dpo, I am not going to test until 8/9dpo, I am not going to test until 8/9dpo, I am not going to test until 8/9dpo, I am not going to test until 8/9dpo……………..