Feebee – 5 DPO

Gynae appt went well. I went in, said this is what’s wrong with me, here’s my evidence, and can I have some drugs please? So I start on Clomid and progesterone next cycle. If it doesn’t happen within 3 months, I’ll be referred to a fertility clinic. In fact, she has already sent a letter of referral in order to avoid the waiting list (3 months). Woohoo, I can’t lose!

Temp up again this morning (yay!), still have creamy CM, but also had a weak/dizzy feeling yesterday that I get 5 days or so before AF is due. Ah well, if it doesn’t happen this cycle it’s bound to happen next month thanks to all the super duper drugs I’ll have!!!

Feebee – 4 DPO

Temp back up today so fingers crossed it stays up for a couple of days. The LPD will probably bring it down by the end of the week, but I would like to be normal for a day or two first.

I haven’t been obsessing about symptoms this time around as I know that even if I am pregnant, I could well lose it again. However, I have noticed a lot of creamy CM and mild cramps over the past couple of days. I was thinking, “Well, I had that last month and I wasn’t pregnant”, until I remembered that I was pregnant last month. At the moment I’m not thinking past my gynae appt tomorrow, and am hoping that she will have an answer. On the other hand, experience has left me frustrated with doctors in general, so I’m half-expecting to be fobbed off with some excuse. So I’m arming myself with charts, dates, reports, statistics and hearsay, and will not leave until I am pregnant!

Feebee – 3 DPO

Huge temp drop today, lowest temp yet so reckon this month is a lost cause. Knowing this early definitely doesn’t make it any easier though.

To be honest, I’m hating this temping. I find it a big hassle to wake myself up enough to take my temperature, then fumble in the dark for my phone so I can see the reading without waking DH up. And all I’m learning from this is that my cycle is f***ed – was happier in my ignorance!

Was advised by a well-meaning friend recently that maybe I need to change my diet. It’s up there with “just relax and it will happen” or “you need to wait until your body is ready”. Someone else told me that people who adopt always seem to get pregnant afterwards, as they’ve stopped obsessing at that stage. So my next plan is to adopt a child, any child, to improve my chances of having my own. I will also change my diet to include plenty of red wine and valium, so that I will be relaxed enough to conceive. Hopefully my body will be ready by then.

Feebee – 2/3 DPO

Had a great weekend, but two nights of drinking has made my chart a bit indecipherable. I need to identify O for my gynae appt on Thurs but have conflicting info from chart, OPKs and my own observations of CM and O cramps. I would appreciate any advice possible on this. Here’s my chart:

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/c1f86/?a=870850&u=1

It suggests I O’d on Fri. However, I got -OPK on Thurs night and only a little bit of EWCM on Fri, plenty more on Sat. Thurs was my last OPK, wish I’d forked out for some more now. I also got slight O pain in the early hours of Sun morning – this usually happens the day after +OPK so I take it to mean I am ovulating around the time it happens.

Basically, my chart says I O’d on Fri, I think it was late Sat/early Sun. If at all. How much would alcohol on Fri and Sat nights affect my temps the next morning? How much does testing an hour or 2 later than usual affect temps?

Thank you very much.

Feebee – CD15

I was going to write a woe-is-me post about an hour ago, but the voices in my head said “Step away from the computer, this too shall pass”. So I did and it did.

No CM at all this morning, a small amount of EWCM now. No table available at my special bday restaurant earlier, a cancellation available now. No +OPK yesterday, the voices say I might get one tomorrow.

Unfortunately there will be no more OPKs, used last saveontests yesterday and refuse blindly to buy from local chemist. Have about 35 HPTs though – never manage to get the balance right!

It’s our joint bday weekend – DH’s bday is Monday so we always have a big night out on the weekend in between. So hope y’all have a good one – we will!

Feebee – CD14

No signs of O whatsoever – no EWCM, no cramps and barely a shadow on OPKs. I need to be 6/7 DPO for blood tests when I see my gynae next Thurs, so hoping it will show up soon.

Feel a little like I’m teetering on the edge of the infertility abyss at the moment. Suppose it’s a combination of bday, looming gynae appt and way too much Internet research! Will probably be back to normal in a day or 2 (or if I manage to get a sneaky BD in when O arrives!).

Feebee – CD12

It’s my birthday. Was planning on being upbeat today, but instead am feeling very sad and finding it hard not to think about where I expected my life to be by now. No, actually, scrap that and let’s start again…

It’s my birthday today! We’re going out later and it’s going to be the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!! I didn’t get my present yet thanks to a postal strike, but it’s going to make it EVEN MORE SPECIAL when I do get it. And that goes for everything else I’m waiting on too.

Onwards and upwards.

Feebee – CD11

I can highly recommend taking a month off TTC if it has become an obsession. Not that wild horses could have dragged me away from it before my LP defect was identified, but I’m loving the “whatever happens, happens” approach we’re having to take this month. Since July I have had my poor DH on a rota of pretty much 2 weeks on (yes, every night), 2 weeks off. It’s mentally exhausting, not to mention the physical exertion. So now we’re doing it for fun, when we feel like it, and not at all for a few nights if that’s what we want.

Dontcha just hate when people say “at least you’ll have fun trying”? Yeah, I love it best when, for the 13th day in a row, I’ve been up since 7am, have done a full day’s work, picked up DS, come home and cooked, cleaned, played with DS and put him to bed, and finally when I’ve checked all the signs for maximum fertility – that’s when I feel at my sexiest!!!

As someone else said, “trying” can be very trying.

So I’m loads more relaxed and feeling fabulous! Another reason for this is, every time AF arrives people say “look after yourself”, “treat yourself”. Now, I scrub up well on a night out and make an effort with general grooming, but in the past haven’t bothered much with make-up during the week. With all the looking after and treating though, I find myself with a whole range of Benefit beauty products that are so yummy I want to use them every day. Thanks for the encouragement folks!

Feebee – CD8

After months of feeling confident I wouldn’t need it, I finally bought Taking Charge of Your Fertililty by Toni Weschler. I skulked into Waterstones at lunchtime and sulked as soon as I saw the pregnancy section. Much like I sulked in Boots at the weekend, when I had to buy my basal body thermometer.

I asked my GP whether or not we should be trying this month, and she said we might as well as my LP varies in length. She also said that at my age (35) we probably wouldn’t want to waste a month. She is right. However, a fellow TTC-er, who has also suffered from a LP defect, advised me to wait until it’s sorted out, to save myself the heartache of another m/c or chemical pregancy. She is also right.

I have made a decision to sit on the fence. We will have unprotected sex this month, but I will not force DH to perform at certain times, as decided by soul-destroying little sticks (I hate them all) dipped in pots of pee. I will still have to co-operate with the sticks (b*****ds) in order to date O, but they will not be the boss of me this month!!! We will go back to the old-fashioned way of BDing – for fun, when we feel like it!!!!!

Disclaimer: I may change my mind about this, but for now I’m just going to chill out and enjoy the weekend without any TTC pressure.

Feebee – CD6

I’ve decided I’m on CD6 and not CD5 today, as I had spotting last Friday and Fertility Friend tells me that makes today CD6. I’m all for moving things along as quickly as possible, so here we are.

I started temping yesterday, recorded a temp of 35.88, today it’s 36.44. Seems like a very big jump compared to the other charts I’ve looked at. Maybe I was just cold yesterday morning?!?! Had 2 fairly restless nights, so not expecting to get the hang of this straight away.

I’ve managed to get a gynae appointment with my ob for 2 weeks time, so I’m delighted. It will be coming up to a week after O (hopefully) so she can measure my progesterone and oestrogen levels to see what the problem is. One thing I’m not sure about is, should we be trying this cycle? If I was to get pregnant and it did stick, what then? Would it be a matter of wait and see, or would I be able to get treatment while I was pregnant? Think I will call my GP in the morning for some advice.

Maybe we’ll all be up the duff by Christmas!!! Woohoo!!!!!!!!