Other people always have the answers

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Things have a way of working out.

What’s for you won’t pass you by.

Everything happens for a reason.

What’s meant to be is meant to be.

But tell me, is this just true when good things happen or does it also apply when your life falls apart?

Would you say to someone who had just lost their husband, “It was meant to be”, to someone who had just been diagnosed with cancer, “What’s for you won’t pass you by”?

Bollox.

My personal favourite: You get the children that were meant for you.

Seven dead and counting……it was obviously meant to be.

35 thoughts on “Other people always have the answers”

  1. It’s all bullshit and tripe for people to say when they don’t know what else to say. It makes them feel better and then they don’t have to see, really see, your pain. Because pain makes people uncomfortable. And, really, it’s all about other’s comfort now, isn’t it.

    I say bollocks right along with you.

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine the weight you feel. You are in my thoughts.

  3. Wound, meet salt.

    I don’t know why people are so awful. But I really hate them for it.

  4. My personal favourite was from a family member, when we told them that we had just found out that we had our second missed miscarriage in six months, and that I was going in for another D&C the following day. : “Ah sure, your troubles are small really”. Well they seemed pretty fucking big to us at the time.

    I think some people genuinely think that these kind of platitudes will offer some comfort. They aren’t coming out with them to be intentionally hurtful, but they really do hurt.

    I really wish I could find words of comfort to offer you, but words fail me.
    Jane

  5. So sorry again for you. No wonder your hair is falling out. Mine did, terribly, when I lost Gabrielle. It stil hasn’t grown back properly.

    That’s why I’m giving up one day soon, so I can stop hurting myself and my body TTC.

    I HUG you from across the ocean. May you find peace one day soon XXX

  6. People haven’t got a fucking clue.. ..sorry for other’s ignorance and insensitivity.
    Thinking of you.

    xE

  7. I am so sorry you are going through this again…and you are getting the dumb-ass comments to boot.

    You have the understanding and caring of us who have been through it…I hope we can help you tune out the comments… 🙁

  8. People haven’t a clue what to say, so they fill the silence with what they think will be of comfort. Avoid them, tune them out, its the last thing you need after all you are going through. Mind yourself honey, rest your mind and body if you can. I’m heartbroken for you.

  9. Sometimes, things really DON’T work out.
    Sometimes, what you really want passes you by.
    Sometimes, shit happens and we can see no reason for it.
    ‘What’s meant to be’ is cruel, and it hurts.

    I am so sad reading your blog FeeBee, I wish I could take away the pain. I wish I could help. Take time to grieve, take time to hurt, hopefully in time you may heal, somehow…
    CC xx (MM)

  11. When I miscarried someone said it wasn’t meant to be & by god they won’t say it again, I gave them a very large piece of my mind.
    No…in my experience of loss things don’t happen for a reason, thing happen because sometimes life is shit.
    Hope you find some peace at some point down the road. Sending you a huge hug pet.

  12. Feebee, I am so sorry. So sorry you’re having to deal with this and all the shit people are talking to boot…drown them out…what do they know…pathetic really, if they think their words might help. I have no words…only sorrow that you are going thru such an awful horrendous painful time in your life. i hope that you will receive peace in one form or other, soon. I’ll be thinking of you as always…Dee 1 (MM)

  13. I’m so sorry Feebee. I was talking to one of my friends that knows of you but has no access to a computer. She was asking for you – almost her first comment – her response as expected; Oh No. I just say I wonder how come you don’t lose it more often, not your hair, your temper. I lost it on a regular basis. Maybe you’re just a nicer girl than I am.

  14. Feebee I am heartbroken for you, your sorrow, anger, despair and fear scream out at me from the pages of your blog, thinking of you…

  15. FeeBee…

    So sorry you are going through this shite again…I cannot believe people are so insensitive…

    Mia01101(MM)

  16. When you are in the situation it is sometimes easy to forget that it is not meant to hurt when people say these things, generally. Most times it is said in thier own discomfort with the situation at hand, off-the-cuff. It is mostly in haste and without thought about the pain it may cause. If people are unaware of the pain caused by infertility, death, etc. they can’t really know that they have hurt you…. they are ignorant to it and it is only by telling them that while you appreciate their attempts to soothe your pain, they are actually causing you more. Maybe it is better to just take the comments as a type of attempt at being nice rather than offensively.

  17. Feebee,

    I admire your ability express what you are going through your blog – your joy, pain and anger are tangible in your posts, I wish I had the ability to express my emotions in words as you do.

    I hope that the amazing strength you have displayed during the last few years takes you through this latest hurdle. You are in my thoughts

    Tiredmam

  18. I am so so sorry for your losses. I wish there was something I could say that could ease your pain but I can’t. But please know people are thinking of you and are hoping, wishing and praying that you will be okay and things will get better.

    The world is so incredibly cruel sometimes that I just don’t understand it. It’s not right that this has happened to you. You deserve so much more.

  19. Feebee hun. I’m not going to try and give you any words of comfort, I know they will be useless. You are constantly in my thoughts.
    Jackie. (MM)
    xxx

  22. feebee

    I am truly sorry. You are in my thoughts and I wish you strength and healing. I think you are amazing and I look forward to that bestselling novel.

    Love

    A

  23. I am so sorry to hear how insensitive people have been to you. I had some of the same comments when I miscarried and I told them what I thought of their comments, why should you be the one feeling bad for their stupidity…
    My heart goes out to you. Bookworm (MM)

  25. please feebee what ever happens don’t stop writing. as painful and as hard as it is for you, thanking you for sharing. it has been an eye opener for me

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