I haven’t kept much of a record of this pregnancy as I haven’t wanted to boast, complain, seem complacent or forget where I came from. Physically, it has been plain sailing, at least since about week 16 when the sickness eased off. Emotionally, well that has been a mixed bag. Most people would talk about “when” I had the baby; I always stuck with “if”. But now I can’t think of any reason to presume my baby won’t make it. I’m well aware of the stats, I know what can happen. But I am also aware of the reasons why bad things happen and, as I am being carefully monitored, I know that I do not currently fall into any of the risk categories.
I would say that somewhere around week 30, I started expecting a baby. Now, at 33 weeks, I am starting to gather baby things together, just in case she comes early – as opposed to, just in case we are fortunate enough to end up with a baby. The fear, the absolute terror, of loss is still in my mind but it has been pushed into a corner by the overwhelming anticipation of joy.
I can’t believe I’m going to have a baby!!!!