Almost there

I have been meaning to write this post for a long time.  My previous two pregnancies have been well documented, Anna’s on here and James’ on  a pregnancy diary I wrote for (my diary doesn’t seem to be online any more). So I want to mark this little one’s transition into the world too.

He (it’s a boy!) has been the most active little fella from the start. I was able to feel something (a niggle) from implantation – an ultrasound at 6 weeks confirmed him to be in the same place as the niggle. From 10 weeks, I have felt some sort of movement, a flutter or a wiggle, and a few weeks after that, he started dancing and hasn’t stopped yet. He has kept me awake at night so many times, stretching and wriggling, unaware of the intimacy of the moment. I love those shared moments, the only downside being when it stops. Baby has to sleep sometime and, rare occurrence thought it is, his occasional refusal to respond to a few nudges and pokes is a reminder of that alternative universe.

He has saved me. From that alternative universe, from the envy, the isolation, the prejudices (mine, not theirs). Anna rescued me when I was drowning, she ensured that I was a survivor. But this pregnancy has been a whole other healing process for me. I never, ever thought I would be this lucky. It’s what I hoped for and it’s what I was prepared to fight for but I always knew that it was unlikely to happen at all or certainly unlikely to be as successful as it has been so far. I know this is a shit, horrible thing to read for those that are still struggling to have one baby, to be told that your second (successful) pregnancy after infertility is an even greater cure than the first. I am sorry if I’ve upset or annoyed you and if so, please feel free to unsubscribe.

He has a name. It’s a family name, chosen by John. There were some intense negotiations along the way but in the end I relinquished control on the basis that I was the one who wanted another baby enough to steer the ship back in the direction of Infertility Island, so if John was prepared to do that for me, he could have the honour of choosing his son’s name.

He will be here soon. He is due on the 23rd but if I am favourable, I can be induced any time from Friday. As I was induced at 13 days and 10 days over previously, there is a very good chance my body won’t be interested in getting things started this time either. So an induction may be inevitable regardless of how long I wait. So the big question is – which is better, before or after Christmas? I think a birthday in the run-up to Christmas is infinitely preferable to one in the wind-down afterwards so I am preparing myself for Friday. What do you think?

32 Replies to “Almost there”

  1. Friday sounds good as you’ll still be home for Christmas. I have just had a birthday party for my beautiful little 5 year old. Her birthday is today but had her party last Friday. Believe me at 36 weeks it wasn’t easy but to be honest the thought was worse than the actuality. Personally I think a baby after Christmas is better as it will always give that little boost needed just after Christmas and it will also separate the two (i.e. Christmas and Birthday) nicely.

    I am so delighted for you. I discovered your blog during my four year infertility trip. I had seven miscarriages (six consecutive) and honestly thought a third child was out of the question. I completely identified with what you were going through in your efforts to have a second child, although I always reckoned that was much harder than going for a third, at least I had two already but to be honest it was cold comfort and I don’t say that lightly as I dearly love my two beautiful daughters and had this constant feeling of guilt that, wonderful and all as they were, perhaps they just weren’t enough which sounds awful except when you put it into the context of loosing six in a row. The grief was so hard to come to terms with and keeping hopeful was almost impossible.

    So now I’m due a baby boy on 8th January Please Please God. I don’t like to tempt fate, but he’s a mover as well and I’ve been awake at all hours of the morning thanking God that he’s there and apparently very happy which is a far cry from crying in the small hours of the morning for the little ones that I lost over the past four years.

    Congratulations Fiona, I wish you a very happy healthy baby boy and a wonderful Christmas and I thank you for your determination as it has never failed to inspire me.

  2. I am not sure if before Christmas or after is best for baby – but I think before Christmas is going to be best for me!

    I hope this little one is here soon!

  3. This seems to have passed so fast.

    Some beautiful pieces in this.

    He come whenever, already sounds like an independent fella.

    Best of luck.

  4. I say before Christmas because I think James and Anna would love to share the day with him, how precious. You truly are a survivor and one courageous Woman. I have said it before and I will say it again, you gave me the courage to try again and I am pretty sure I am not alone. You deserve this!
    keep us posted, can’t wait to here the good news.

  5. Congratulations again, in every way possible….. so happy to read an update……and, I just must add that my brother’s birthday is the first of January and I always thought that was the coolest birthday to have. Everyone celebrates with you, you do get a separate gift (from the Christmas one) and it is a birthday which no one ever forgets. 🙂

  6. Tealights – what a lovely message! I’m so sorry to hear what you have been through but so delighted that your little boy is almost here. Very best of luck for next month and let me know when he arrives.

    My Reality – can’t wait to read an update from you!

    Martin – you’re next!

    Denise – I’m so delighted for you too, and that Cian gets to spend Christmas with his little brother.

    Coastal Aussie – thanks! If I could guarantee a 1st January birth then I would go for that.

    denzo – thanks! Hope you and your girls are well.

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