I want to be sick. (Or should that be, I want to want to be sick.) I want nausea, vomiting, cold and hot sweats, knee-trembling, earth-moving sickness. For those of you who have been there, done that and think I don’t know what I’m talking about, then maybe you haven’t experienced the sheer terror that is pregnancy after recurrent miscarriage. Or maybe you have! I’d be interested to hear your opinion.

Today is the first day that I haven’t had breakdowns on the hour, every hour. That is because I am quite tired (a little smile is escaping as I type – yay, a symptom!). It’s impossible to imagine but I sincerely hope the day will come (soon, like tomorrow) when I am exhausted, sick and aching all over. Please.

29 Replies to “5w3d”

  1. I kind of get it, although you’ll forgive me when I say I still think you’re mad for wanting full blown out sickness. Couldn’t you just wish for a normal amount, just enough to stop you stressing 🙂 ?

    Hoping and thinking about you, X

  2. Oh Feebee
    I know exactly what you mean about the sheer terror of pregnancy after recurrent miscarriage. At the moment I am actually looking into anxiety management techniques so that if I ever do get pregnant again, which I hope will happen in the next few months, I will be able to proactively manage the freak attacks. I would try meditation, hypnosis anything! But I know what you mean, that heart in the mouth feeling, constant knicker watching, sheer terror.

    Sending you big virtual hugs and hope you have the mother of all barfs very soon!!
    Jane x

  3. Yeah, that, I don’t need to go to the toilet – EVER – feeling rather than have to face a tinge of red or pink on the toilet paper. I nearly ruptured my bladder. Time goes by so slowly. Tired is good.

  4. FeeBee, just catching up now – 5W3d!!!! BRILLIANT!!!
    Thinking and praying for you and sticky, sticky sticky bean!
    Hmm.. and will also pray you get sick soon (if you insist!)


  5. Artblog – I was thinking of you when I wrote that! Ok, just a bit more than normal sickness then.

    Jane – if you find the answer, please let me know!

    Engol – I don’t really get the toilet worries. I think it’s because it’s always taken at least a few days post-HCG drop for me to start bleeding so I’m much more concerned about symptoms or lack of them. That’s not to say I wouldn’t pass out if I saw blood.

    GG and New Lad – thanks!

  6. I really hope you feel like puking tomorrow! You’ll be sorry you wished it but I know why so I hope you puke. You’ll probably relax then!

  7. I wish the sickness on you. With Connor I didn’t get sick until around 6w when my levels were above 20,000, and it felt GOOD TO BE SICK!

  8. I hope you’re sick as a dog and have to live on cornflakes for weeks on end like I did as everything else came straight up! ha ha bless you, great news about the tiredness too…..hang in there little one.

    Dee1 (MM)

  9. May you puke all day tomorrow! LOL, seriously though you dont have to have the sickness symptom, the tiredness is good though, very good.
    I’m so delighted for you but I feel the stress you will have to go through over the next 12wks, take it easy, rest and fast forward the days.

  10. My sentiments exactly. Feeling something even if it’s unpleasant seems better than nothing at all when your mind plays games with you.

  11. I don’t think I’ve ever wished for someone to feel ill before, but here goes… I’m wishing it for you! Here’s to nausea, barfing and all the good stuff in between! Madamemac (MM)

  12. I prayed for sickness, too. I totally get it. And when I threw up I cried because I felt so awful and wonderful at the same time.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers!

    Stick little baby, and make your mama sick sick sick!!

  13. Sickness, pah.. I think you should hang in there for the odd symptoms: fuzzy brain, tingling legs, strange pinging sensations etc!
    So pleased to hear of your tiredness; let the other symptoms commence shortly so that you can ease into this pregnancy, and soothe away the terrifying paranoia.
    Thinking of you, dh, ds, and bean.

  14. Come on the sick feeling 🙂 I never puked but god do I remember the nausea!

    One of my definate symptoms is constant peeing! I remember on DS I had to pee about eight times in an hour and it was that that made me test!

    I hope you are feeling tired, ill and need to pee urgently! from the moment you wake up tomorrow.

    Tiredmam x

  15. I do understand – I think it’s pretty impossible not to feel anxious (recurrent miscarriages = post traumatic stress syndrome, if you ask me!) when pregnant.

    Here’s to symptoms! Or hey, here’s to few symptoms but a healthy pregnancy anyway!

  16. It feels strange to be wishing the nausea your way since my memories of it are pretty awful. But I get why you want the symptoms so may you be a pale shade of green in the not too distant future!

    (I remember that it didn’t actually kick in until around about the 6th or 7th week for me. Sore boobs was my only symptom up until then.)

  17. I was sooooooo sick from the get go with all 5 pregnancies that I lost and for the one and only pregnancy that stuck (my son) I was not sick at all. I know your fears and terror all too well, the constant paranoia of everything from bathroom trips to feeling your boobs to see if they are still hard! it’s enough to drive you crazy and it did. But what I learned after number 4 loss was that no matter what you feel or think it is out of our control, if it is going to happen it will happen and that is all I told myself. I tried to forgive myself and my body for letting me down and this last loss in August, I finally did forgive myself. But I truly hope you are more triumphant than I, God knows you have struggled long and hard for this. Hang in there and breath, don’t allow the fear to control your every move….just be.

  18. Denise – you are right, there is nothing more I can do. I have started to relax a little, I hope I can keep it up.

  19. I can understand your feelings but did you know that it is possible to get what you wish without all that traditional stuff and beside it ios not good for litle one to be to much tired or stressed.

    Good luck and God knows when to give you what you looking for.

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